Originally posted on Stranded In Toronto

ca·su·al/ˈkaZHo͞oəl/

Tell a guy you just want to be casual and he’s all over it. No questions asked. He’s all in before you can even get the words out of your mouth. Tell a girl the same and you are likely to get a very different reaction. Not always, but definitely more often than not. Why is that?

It’s because she has some false sense of righteousness, decency, which I am sure has been ingrained in her from an early age, by a Mother who taught her that “good girls don’t act that way.” It isn’t necessarily because she doesn’t want to be casual. It’s because she was taught that some white knight in shining armor was going to sweep her off her feet and love her until death do they part, and she doesn’t want to settle for less. What if that white knight said, “Hey babe, you’re pretty cool. How about we just play casual and fuck a while, no strings attached?” Gasp!

Why must it be all or nothing? Why do we frown on casual, on friends with benefits, sex without love? Come on now. Surely every time you have sex with someone you love it isn’t always making love. Sometimes it’s just fucking. Even with them.

Maybe I want to settle. Why is that so wrong? I don’t want someone 24/7. I don’t want to share my everything with someone. I really don’t think I could. I’ve been down that road. I bought into the whole white picket fence and happily ever after fantasy. And that’s just it, it’s a fantasy.

Reality never mirrors fantasy. That’s just the way life is. Things get in the way. We have work and family commitments. We focus on things other than finding that one special person to spend the rest of our lives with. For the record, I don’t believe there is only one special person. Though, that is a discussion for another day.

Back to casual…

You don’t bring casual home to meet the parents or your kids. You don’t make long-term plans with casual, or share all your secrets and life’s desires with them. You don’t need to like each other’s friends, or in some cases even like each other that much. Let’s face it, you can enjoy having sex with someone you don’t particularly like.

Casual may not keep you warm every night, but it sure can get you hot on some of them. That’s what I want right now, someone who gets me hot and bothered and then does something about it. Yes, waking up to a warm body in my bed, sharing a meal, making plans, and going on vacation, I’d love to do all those things. Just not every day, at least not today.

Don’t get me wrong, casual may start that way but it doesn’t have to stay that way. When you meet someone you are interested in does it not always start casually? Of course it does. You don’t just jump into a serious relationship and get married after knowing each other for a second. Even those who think they will just do the casual thing, and not let their feelings get involved, often do become more involved. I’ve even known some who have gotten married.

There is no right or wrong way to have a relationship, to start one or be in one. It can be casual, serious, or somewhere in between. It can be whatever you want it to be. Just do what’s right for you, like I do.