On the first day in August

On the first day in August

I want to wake up by your side

After sleeping with you

On the last night in July

The Fist Day August by Carole king

G and I just spent some wonderful time together this weekend. We don’t get to do it often, and even less so with it being just the two of us. The down side of being a single parent is that my child is always with me, except for part of the summer when he goes to my Mom’s. Last summer he didn’t get to go because the world was a big dumpster fire so this year is even more appreciated than usual. We both needed the break after being stuck at home with each other for 11 of the past 16 months. He gets to spend the summer having fun in Newfoundland with his grandmother while I get to relax, recharge, and enjoy some quality time with G.

This August may very well be the last month G and I have together as I suspect his wife will come soon after international travel opens up again. The thought of that happening makes me sad. It makes my stomach turn and has brought me to tears more than once. I want to be happy for him, truly I do, but I’m not ready yet. I need more time. The thought of him being somebody else’s person hurts. Him no longer being my person after all these years hurts, and I’m just not ready for that yet.

We’ve pretty much been ignoring the fact that he got married since it happened. One time he did mention some paperwork he had to complete to bring his wife here but that was only because it was laying out on the table when I visited. Our time together is about us, not anyone else. Last night I did ask what was happening with her and found out that they are now awaiting the final okay for her to come. That means she could realistically be here as early as September if she gets the okay and travel opens up, which also means August could be our last month together.

There were a few other surprising developments this weekend. G gave me some tasks, which he rarely does, I told him what I want (maybe most important and surprising of all), and we have a bit of a plan for our next time together.

I am to read Story of O. I’ve had it for a few years but never made it past the first couple chapters. He asked if I wanted him to read it to me, which would be fucking hot because he has the best voice, but for some reason or other that I am going to blame on lack of sleep, I said I would read it myself.

On the nights he spends here, I am to wake him in the morning by sucking his cock. Um, yes please! I nearly forgot this task this morning and did not entirely master it. It can be frustrating at times when your partner takes a long time to reach orgasm. Quite disheartening when you just can’t bring him to orgasm at all with an act you so thoroughly enjoy doing.

I’m pretty sure there was another task but I cannot for the life of me remember what it is. G will remind me I’m sure.

I am to lay out all my toys and play implements, in order of favourite to least favourite, for him to choose from next time he comes over. This is a huge deal because we have never used them before. The only thing we’ve ever added to our play is a silk scarf, and that just happened for the first time last night when he used it as a blindfold on me.

Speaking of silk scarf blindfolds, he plans to blindfold me and make me masturbate in front of him. He told me because he knows it will drive me crazy thinking about it all week, and also because he knows how self conscious I can be and wants me to be prepared for it.

Now for what I want. I don’t know why this was so difficult to ask for, nor why I thought he would not be into it, but the first thing I asked was for him to drip hot wax on me. Actually, I asked if he would do something I wanted even if he wasn’t into it then showed him some pictures of previous wax play when he asked what it was I wanted him to do. Why couldn’t I just fucking ask?

The other thing I want? For us to enjoy this month together. We have this opportunity to end things on a high note, to spend this month enjoying each other, to say all the things we want or need to say, to find closure in a way people don’t often get to when relationships end. Now that we have a general timeline and the time to spend together, we can choose to make it a beautiful ending.

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