I hate crying and feeling vulnerable. Both make me anxious and insecure. Unfortunately both are also a part of life, sometimes daily life. Both are also things we just have to allow on occasion.
Crying is often considered a sign of weakness and paint the crier as being emotional or emotionally unstable. Well, crying for reasons other than what society deems acceptable, crying unless you are in some physical pain. Why is physical pain more acceptable that emotional pain or mental anguish? Just because you can see something does not make it any more important than the things you don’t see.
Yes, I cry when I hurt my leg or my shoulder decides popping out of joint is a fun thing to do to me. I also cry when I am sad, when I am frustrated, or when my feelings are hurt. I will cry when I am feeling overwhelmed, in ether a good way or a bad way. And I also cry when I am extremely angry about something.
Last month I cried a lot after getting my initial positive Covid result. I cried because I was afraid. Afraid I was going to die and leave my son without a parent. Afraid that even if I didn’t die I would have to be hospitalized or deal with the after effects for a long time. Nothing is worse than seeing your child anxious and worrying about you, asking what will happen to him if I don’t wake up in the morning.
I cry because that is how I learned to express all my complex emotions. I can’t get mad, you know, being a “weak woman” and all. However, I can be emotional and cry without people paying any heed to it. It is just how society has evolved, or not, through the years.
Growing up I was always taught, whether implicitly or by observation, that men were the strong ones while women the weaker caregivers. Men were the ones who get mad and fought, women were the soft emotional ones who cried.
Thankfully we are changing and challenging this way of thinking. Many of us are doing the work to change ourselves while at the same time doing a better job of raising our kids to be aware of and express their emotions in healthier ways, regardless their gender. We are teaching them that it is okay to cry. Now, if I could only let myself be okay with crying.