Fabulous, fair-minded, fascinated, fawning,
fearful, feminine, fidgety, flustered, foolish,
foreboding, forceful, foresighted, forgetful,
forgiving, forlorn, formal, fragile, frank, frantic,
frazzled, free, friendly, frightened, frivolous,
frustrated, full, fulfilled, furious, fussy, FEELINGS
I was going to write about fear today but decided to opt for the general topic of feelings. That is my overall theme for the A to Z Challenge after all, feelings and emotions. We all have feelings. We all hurt and love and fear, and although we all have the same general feelings and emotions throughout our lives we can experience them in vastly different ways.
One of the major differences I’ve seen is the difference between how men and women express their pain and anger. Men tend to show anger easily. They are taught to be aggressive and fight. Maybe not directly by their parents but through various media. When a man is hurt emotionally he will often act as if he is angry rather than allow themselves to be vulnerable and cry. Women on the other hand, they have been told they are the emotional sex from early on. I am one those “emotional” ones. I can become aggressive when angry but it doesn’t last long before I cry, more often than not right in the middle of my outburst. They problem with that is that then people think I am upset rather than angry and try to console me which only makes things worse. It’s terrible.
There are other ways we differ as well, not just men from women but individual from individual. Take a masochist for example. They feel pain just like anyone else does but somewhere along the way the pain turns to, or results in, pleasure. I will talk more about this juxtaposition between pain and pleasure on my “P” post later this month.
When you lose a loved one, while you hurt and feel sad at their loss it is also possible to feel happy, thankful or relieved as well. Don’t get me wrong here, I would never say someone’s demise would bring anyone happiness. What I mean by happy is that we feel good that that person is no longer suffering through their pain and illness, or that they never had to suffer at all. It’s okay to feel that way, it doesn’t make you a bad person. When my Grandmother passed away earlier this year I was thankful that it happened the way she wanted it to. She wasn’t sick or suffering any major illness. She went to sleep on a Friday night, in her own bed in her own home, and never woke up. That is the dream isn’t it?
We can feel different things at the same time, like pain and pleasure or sadness and thankfulness. We are complex creatures. The only thing we can’t do, or rather should never do, is tell people their feelings are wrong or invalid. They aren’t. They can’t be. We are all entitled to experience things in our own way, regardless of any preconceived notion someone else may have about it. Just let each other be.
You think it’s wrong for me to feel pleasure from the sting of a bare handed spanking. So what? You think it’s disrespectful to laugh at someone’s wake. Why? Instead of getting on my case about what I feel or how I feel it maybe you should think about why it matters to you. You don’t know me. I am not saying I am right and anyone else is wrong. I look at it in much the same way as when someone feels that being gay is wrong and are very verbal about it. Why does what someone else does in the confines of their own life and relationships matter? Why does something that they do behind closed doors that you can’t see and have absolutely nothing to do with matter?
It’s really quite simple, we all want to belong and feel like we are the same as everyone else. Being different scares people and it doesn’t matter if it is them or other people.