AtoZ 2016: Emotional

Eager, easygoing, ecstatic, edgy, efficient,
effeminate, egotistical, electrified, embarrassed,
EMOTIONAL, empathetic, empowered, enchanted,
encouraged, energetic, enervated, engaged,
engrossed, enlivened, enraged, enthralled,
entranced, enterprising, enthusiastic, envious,
evasive, equanimous, exasperated, excitable,
excited, exhausted, exhilarated, expectant,
exuberant, evil

 

I’m an emotional person, apparently. I’ve been told that I live by my emotions rather than my head. Although I do tend to put it all out there where my emotions are concerned, I wouldn’t entirely agree that I’m an emotional person.

I’m a planner, often to the minutest detail. A trip across the border isn’t a last minute adventure, it is planned. I will have a print out map and directions to each place I want to visit, toll amounts and exact change for every toll I may encounter, and back up plans in case one of the chosen places is closed or something. I even check out the Google views so I know exactly what places are supposed to look like and I know what road marks to keep my eye open for.

My day to day job is in finance. There is no room for emotion there. It’s all about the numbers and the logic. I love the numbers and the logic. I also enjoy the calmness of it. There is no screaming or panic or emotion to it. Things move along in a predictable pattern and I am the calm, rational person moving things along.

But…

I will throw all my plans out the window at a moments notice if my heart wants to do something different. I will ditch those floor seat concert tickets and spend the night holed up with you in some seedy hotel. I will cancel my weekend plans and drive five hours just to be able to spend an hour with you.

I will get upset when I want something and it doesn’t work out. I will day dream about happy endings, about strolling off into the sunset, and not even consider the logistics or impracticality of it.

To confuse matters even more I am an empath. This means that I will take on your feelings and emotions as if they were my own. If you are upart  with your spouse and fighting I will become upset and carry on as if I am fighting with my spouse as well, even if I don’t have one. If you are upset at the loss of a loved one I will become upset and feel as though I lost a love one. If you are ecstatic over the birth of your child I will feel the exact same way. Whatever emotion you are going through, whatever it is you are feeling, I will feel it right there with you. I won’t just sympathize with you I will experience the exact feelings and emotions you are just as if those things are happening to me.

I do not like when I take on other’s feelings and emotions. For one thing, it is very draining to go through a day of emotional turmoil. I may experience a wide array of different feelings depending on the people I interact with. It may also seem like I am trying to take advantage or pick on them, wich is absolutely not what I want. I’ve learned to block myself from all these other peoples feelings, to put up a barrier of sorts, but there are times when I just can’t keep them at bay.

Where my own emotions are concerned I do tend to put them out there as far as my personal life is concerned. The proverbial heart on my sleeve as it were. I don’t see any reason to hide them. If I love you, it will show and I will tell you. If you hurt me, it wi show and I will tell you. If I feel like crying I will cry. If I feel like screaming I will find a suitable place to go scream. Why keep all that stuff inside?

 

Twitter: @stellakiink
Facebook: Stella Kiink

 

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4 thoughts on “AtoZ 2016: Emotional

  1. We are a lot alike!!!

  2. So many things of what you write here ring true for me too…

    Rebel xox

  3. I wonder if more women experience instances of empathy than men.

    • I suspect many men do as well but that they get angered or agitated by it rather than letting the true emotions settle in.

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