Why do you post such things? This is a question I am often asked. They aren’t referring to my erotica or salacious tales of desire. They aren’t referring to my candid pictures. They are referring to my not so nice real life ramblings.
My piece on being raped. My posts about depression and PTSD. My post about skipping out on some very bad sex. My posts about Mr X here and here. Even my posts about heartbreak. There are more. There will always be more.
These posts are all a part of my story and as with all stories, every scene in it can’t be about sex, BDSM, and general kinkiness. There is work and family. There are times we hurt, times we lose. There are dark days. If we are lucky the bright days far outweigh the dark ones. Unfortunately that isn’t the case for everyone. Each scene, each broken heart or snide remark, has helped to make me the person I am today and I rather like this version of me.
Why not share the bad stories? Things aren’t going to be fun and beautiful and loving all the time. Life seldom reflects fantasy. Why not let others see that they aren’t alone in their thoughts or experiences? When it comes down to it, all we ever really want is to feel like we aren’t alone, to know that others have gone through similar things and have come out of it okay. Sometimes it takes a while, but that’s okay too.
When I started writing erotica my goal was to make it realistic, to show that not everyone is perfect. I want people to know that we all start at the beginning and make our journey’s one step at a time. I wanted to write stories that people could relate to, to show that bdsm isn’t all about the sex. I wanted to show the relationships, the trust, the issues partners have and how they can move past them. I wanted to show that you can have fun and laugh, that it should be fun.
I still want to write that way, but in the process of doing that I found that I needed to let some of my own issues go as well. It isn’t enough to write a fictional story to show readers they are normal. Leaving my own experiences and desires on the page, telling them about the real life things, that is where people see that they are just like me, or that by comparison they are much more together and “normal” than they realized. That is where they find comfort, not in the fantasy.