F is for…

Forgiveness

I could have gone the expected route and done a fellatio post today but thought I’d do something different. This month is about the challenge after all. If you’d like to check out some fellatio posts there are many to choose from. You could read here and here, or view some pics here, here, and here. I even have some guest posts here, here, here, and here. Enjoy if that is what you are looking for. If you’d like to read what I am thinking about today, please continue.

On to today’s topic, forgiveness.

Forgiveness is a big word. There is so much tied into it. We often forget what it truly means and why we do it. The dictionary says to forgive means to stop feeling angry or resentful toward someone for an offense, flaw, or mistake. Forgiveness is the act or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Sounds simple enough, but not always so simple to do.

The problem with forgiveness is that we were never told why we apologize and forgive each other. We were never taught the why. I always thought it was about the person I was forgiving, like I was saying it was ok that you did whatever you did and I’m going to forgive you so you have no consequences for your actions and go on about your life feeling good about yourself. The hell?! Why would I forgive you if that is what it’s about? Forgiveness isn’t about the person you are forgiving though. It’s about you, the person doing the forgiving. It’s the act that makes you stop feeling angry or resentful towards that person.

Let’s look at this scenario for a moment. I am 10 years old and am picking on my sister. I hurt her and she gets mad and tells our mom. Mom tells me to say I’m sorry and when I do she tells my sister to tell me she forgives me. That’s it, she says, it’s done. I apologized for my actions, and my sister accepted my apology and forgave me. To my mother this means I won’t do it again, because saying I am sorry for my actions means I won’t do them again, and my sister won’t hold it against me and bring it up in some future disagreement because she forgave me. In essence, that’s how forgiveness works.

Another… Same sister and I years later. We both like the same young man. She’s older than me and used to getting her way. I have had to “forgive” her a lot over the years. But this young man likes me and asks me out, not her. She is pissed and gets mad at both him and I. She does not know what forgiveness means. She has never forgiven anyone in her life. She likes to hold a grudge and does so for years. I don’t care that she doesn’t forgive me and holds a grudge. It doesn’t affect my life and happiness in the least. However, it makes her a very unhappy person who tends to be angry at the whole world most of the time. She is always saying negative things, thinks people owe her for doing her wrong, thinks our mother owes her because she didn’t marry my sister’s father but she married mine. She thinks the whole world owes her because she had cancer 25 years ago. She resents people around her who are happy. That’s what it’s like when you hold on to anger and resentment, you aren’t a nice person at all.

I am a person who easily forgives. Some friends have taken that to mean that I let people off with things I shouldn’t. I don’t care. I can’t hold on to that negativity and be happy. The only person it affects is me, and not in a good way. Forgiving doesn’t mean I have to forget though, nor does it mean I have to let those people continue to be a part of my life. I need to remember the actions people have taken, the hurt they have caused me, so that I don’t let them do it again. I have to protect myself and my happiness.

 

 

a-to-z HEADER [2015] - april