Hovering

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hovering over “picture post” ~ by Artist Wife

We all do this to some degree. We take a picture or two then hmm and ha about whether to post to our profile or send to someone. That is hard enough, but what about us bloggers? What we post is available for the whole world to see should they be so inclined.

The concern isn’t about these pictures being available to anyone at anytime just by a click of a button. It is about whether we would be ok if they knew the pics were of us, our true identities, rather than our blogging alter egos. It’s one thing for Stella Kiink (yes, I am going to refer to myself in the third person, thank you very much) to have her bits on display but what if it were Jane Smith (also not my real name) from the Parent Teacher Association? Would Jane be ok with having her bits posted on the internet? Would she care if the principal of her kids elementary school knew the boobs he was drooling over belonged to little Jimmy’s Mom?

We are all ok with Stella Kiink’s pictures because she is an adult blogger and she’s expressing herself through her words and pictures. Many of the people who view Stella’s blog are generally other bloggers or people who are open-minded enough to know that breasts aren’t pornographic, it’s the way we perceive them that makes them so. We can see the artistry of Stella’s words and pictures. We can relate to her insecurities. We also share her secrets, the one’s Stella shares but are never known in Jane’s world. If we ran into her in the street or at some event we’d likely just say something like great blog or nice post you did for that meme, or I really didn’t like that picture or your arse the other day. We may not like everything that Stella posts but there would be no judgment of her about what she does post.

Would we be ok knowing it was pictures of Jane Smith’s vagina or breasts we were seeing without wanting her kicked off the PTA? Would we be ok reading the stories of her attending play parties or being turned on by pain without having that negate the wonderful parent she is or the valuable contributions she makes to the PTA? Would we be ok with Jane Smith chaperoning our child on a week-long school trip if we knew about the things she did with that young man 17 years her junior? Would we put her in charge of the fall fair if we knew she submitted on bended knee to the man she calls MySir?

You or I would be ok with it, at least I believe we would considering we all have stories that are similar in many ways. We all have parts of ourselves we only show at certain times, with certain people, or on certain media. Many wouldn’t be as understanding though. Too many people are unable to compartmentalize, to separate the different parts of themselves. They assume that because you blog about sex it must be part of every moment of every thing you do. Truth is, it is often on my mind to some degree, but I am quite capable of accomplishing many other things in life that have nothing to do with sex or blogging.

Truth is, the people who would have issue with Jane having pictures of her vajayjay on the internet, they believe that people who participate in a non-vanilla lifestyle are deviants and degenerates. Not because they think we are awful people really, but because they have the same feelings and urges and don’t know how to reconcile them with the good, decent people they are. They have bought into the brainwashing. They have been told that good people don’t do such things for so long that they believe there is something truly wrong with themselves because they do desire those things.

It’s like telling a 100 lb girl that she’s fat. She isn’t of course, but when she is told she is over and over she ends up believing it. She will starve herself until she can’t handle it any more then start binging in secret. That’s what people do who suppress their sexual urges and desires do. They lay judgment on those who freely express and give into their desires while they suppress their own until they can’t any longer and end up doing something very stupid in response. Often they cheat on their spouses, start lying to them and hiding things from them. Men get blowjobs from random women or prostitutes because they’ve married a “good girl” who won’t do that. They don’t even know if their wives would do it because they have no experience and they’ve never asked. Women have affairs with “bad boys” who tell them they’re dirty little sluts, pull their hair, and make them call them Daddy. Somehow these things are more acceptable to them than coming out and being honest about their desires.

What we need to do is stop making other people feel bad for the choices they make and the beliefs they have. Sure, let’s make the murderer feel bad, but not the woman who gets off on having her ass whipped or the man who likes sucking cocks as much as he likes getting his own sucked. We need to stop judging those who live their lives different from us and treating them like they are somehow broken because of their lifestyles. We also need to accept the parts of ourselves that are different, the ones that keep us up at night worrying that somebody might find out. We need to stop hovering and jump in.




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10 thoughts on “Hovering

  1. damn skippy! I am all for people finally coming to grips with their own sexuality. it is the ones that are pent up that scare me, they become the monsters more often that not that are whispered about and feared.
    Funny I posted today one of the greatest problems with relationships is lack of intimacy both sexually and emotionally

  2. Preach on, sista!

  3. Oh yes, I so totally agree with you on this. Brilliant post – this needed to be said and it needs to be said over and over again.

    Rebel xox

  4. Sing it! A great message, and sadly you’re right, we can’t compartmentalize.

  5. *Cheers and throws flowers from the stalls…. BRILLIANT piece of writing and I totally agree with you.

    Mollyxxx

  6. Bravo!! You touched on many valid points, but I related more to your mention of people who hide their desires and often make bad decisions on the people they sleep with to temporarily satiate their desires. xxx

  7. Wonderful piece . . . I was nodding agreement with every sentence. Wonderfully stated!!!
    Xxx – K

  8. Totally agree with everything you said. Before I even saw the comments on your post, I’m thinking, ‘Right On’!!

  9. I find your comment about Parent Teacher Association worryingly close to reality (it happened to me!)

    Even with all the success of “that” book, alternative sexualities is still frowned upon.

    Well said!

  10. Great post–I can see why it was chosen as a top one for e[lust]! People definitely need to work on not judging people who have different lifestyles…it’s damaging and destructive.
    xxPenny

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