When You Can’t Trust Your Body


You should always trust your body and it’s limitations. Easily said when you are living a vanilla life, but not so when you enter the world of kink and BDSM. It isn’t that easy because we are may be pushing a limit, some boundary that we want to move beyond or that our Dom wants to help us move beyond. We will engage in activities that cause pain or draw blood, or that generally scare the shit out of us and excite us to no end at the same time. We test ourselves, our Dom’s test us, we test them…. (Yes, we test you. It’s true. Any sub who says they do not or have not tested their Dom is lying.)

The thing is though, that our bodies can only go so far and we need to recognize that before we do great harm. When our endorphins are rushing through us and we start heading off into subspace we can miss or neglect the signs of going to far. This is when you need to trust your Dom to notice the signs for you. When you can’t trust your body, trust your Dom. If you can not trust your Dom then you need to find another.

When your Dom is whipping you and you start to fly you aren’t paying attention to your body heating up or the shakes that start or the fact that you are unable to respond in any comprehensible manner to the pain he is inflicting on your body. Even if we like it, it’s still pain and pain can mean damage. You aren’t paying attention to the signs your body is giving you, but he is. He is checking in with you throughout the scene and notices every little movement and nuance of your body. He knows how it reacts and when it reaches it’s limits.

This means that even though you didn’t use your safe word or get to the point of play that you thought you would, he is going to stop the scene. He should stop the scene. If you are in a public play space or play party and he doesn’t stop the scene a DM will. Keep in mind that just because someone has to step in to stop a scene does not mean that you have a bad Dom. It could be that while you are flying into subspace he is flying into Domspace and not fully aware of the situation. When he is checking in with you during your scene you should be checking on him as well. This way you will notice if he is starting to fly or if he is becoming agitated and you can stop the scene at that time.

I know I said trust your body and if you can’t trust your body trust your Dom, but the reality is we are all human and there may occasionally be times when things happen that we don’t expect or are out of our control. This absolutely must not be the norm. If this becomes the norm you need to find another Dom.

When you aren’t able to trust your body, here are some things your Dom is looking at:

  1. Your breathing – Is your breathing becoming shallow or erratic? Are you having a hard time catching your breath? Maybe you have asthma and an attack is coming.
  2. Your ability to communicate – If you needed to use your safe word, could you? If you can’t communicate verbally are you able to communicate another way?
  3. The sounds you make – Have you stopped making sounds you normally would make? Are you being more vocal than usual?
  4. Your body shaking or lack of movement – How does your body normally react to what he is doing? How is it reacting now?
  5. Your eyes – Are you able to focus on him or something in the room?
  6. Your sense of touch – Do you feel the whip as it makes contact? Are you numb? Is your skin overly sensitive?

These are just a handful of signs your Dom may be looking at. I am by no means an expert on the matter. There can be many more and different signs depending on the dynamics of the people involved and the kind of scene they are having.





7 thoughts on “When You Can’t Trust Your Body

  1. I fully agree with what you are saying. we boarder RACK play at times but I always try to keep my head clear just in case (like has happened a few times) she goes so far into sub space that I could cut her arm off with a spoon and she would love it. I have called a few scenes because of that.
    That being said this is well done hun and I know it is on target from what I have experianced

  2. The number of times that m’Lady has stopped our scene just before I was going to HAVE to safeword are quite amazing. Ey knows me and my signs well!

    xx Dee

  3. Brilliant advice here and definitely an article everyone should read, even if they know these things. I trust Master T completely to watch out for me when in a session and when I am flying. But there are too many cases where other people do not do this and harm can be done.

    Thanks for sharing!

    Rebel xox

  4. Love, love this and going to add it as a must read. It’s very important to fully trust the play partner, for so many reasons, this being probably the biggest. Great write!

  5. THIS>> “Any sub who says they do not or have not tested their Dom is lying.” yes, yes, yes

    And M has stopped our play on a number of occasions and when I have asked why and looked confused he has always explained that it is time… that I am unable to judge anymore and so it is down to him. It is moment likes that when trust is truly built into stone because then you know that he is truly engaged and that means I can truly disengage and fly, knowing he will keep me safe while I do


  6. Great post.

    The trust is key!

    As I tried to explain to my (vanilla) friend a few months ago, if you don’t trust the person who has made you immobile, restrained you and is using a medieval weapon on your flesh, to keep you safe, then it’s probably best not to play with tat person! 🙂

  7. Trust is a word that overrides everything in this lifestyle…in any lifestyle. As John says, above, I think vanilla’s just don’t get how it works at this level.


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