Need

need / nēd
verb
verb: need; 3rd person present: needs; past tense: needed; past participle: needed; gerund or present participle: needing; modal verb: need
  1. 1.
    require (something) because it is essential or very important. “I need help now”
    not want to be subjected to something. “I don’t need your sarcasm”
  2. 2.
    expressing necessity or obligation. “need I say more?”
  3. 3.
    archaic be necessary. “lest you, even more than needs, embitter our parting”
noun
noun: need; plural noun: needs
  1. 1.
    circumstances in which something is necessary, or that require some course of action; necessity. “the basic human need for food”
  2. 2.
    a thing that is required. “his day-to-day needs”

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    “I want you to hold me, to hurt me, and to comfort me when you are done.”

    That is what I told Him today. I lied. I don’t want it, I need it.

    Just as He needs to give a beating, I need to take one.

    I need to be spanked or flogged or beaten, maybe all three, maybe more.

    I need to feel pain beyond the pleasure, until it subsides and sends me off into peaceful subspace.

    I need my brain to shut down, to reset itself.

    I need to fight and cry and scream.

    I need to release what has built up, what I have held on to for far too long.

    I need to be punished, for something, I don’t even know what.

    I can’t do it myself.

    I try, but there is only so much one can inflict on oneself before self preservation kicks in and it stops.

    I can’t hurt myself the way I need to be hurt.

    I can’t cause the pain that needs to be felt.

    I can’t let go without being forced to, without knowing there will be comfort once I do.

    I can’t explain it, rationalize it.

    I just know, innately, this is something that I need.

    I don’t want you to hold me, to hurt me, or to comfort me when you are done.

    I need you to.

    I need you to hold me.

    I need you to hurt me, to bring tears, to have me beg.

    I need you to comfort me, to make a safe space for me.

    I need you to make me do what I can not do myself.

    I don’t want you to.

    I need you to.

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