Every single feeling tells me this is leading to a heart in broken little pieces and you know I need this like a hole… and I nearly forgot my broken heartChris Cornell
Many moons ago I had open heart surgery to repair a hole in my heart. I was 5 years old and remember it like it was yesterday. Some parts of it at least. I’ve had heart issues my entire life, since the day I came into this world more that two months early, and after years of tests and monitoring and more needles than I can count, I started taking medication regularly in my twenties. And then, aside from my quarterly doctors visits and medication refills, I kind of forgot about it. Not really forgot, but forgot in the way that I was no longer consumed by the fear that it might give out on me any day. I was free to live my life just like everyone else.
Since contracting Covid in December my series of issues has been vast and varied, and now it includes my broken heart. My heart is not regulating my blood pressure properly, even with the meds, and it is exhibiting increasing periods of tachycardia (high heart rate) and arrhythmia (beating out of sync). Needless to say, it hasn’t been fun.
This morning I woke up hours earlier than I normally would on a Saturday morning, had a shower then headed to the hospital for a round of tests, bloodwork and to get fitted with a holter monitor. It’s only been a few hours but I’ve already had enough of the itchy sticky pads, wires and monitor strapped to me. Although I am not thrilled with being wired up for the next few days, I am looking forward to getting some answers and feeling better soon.
I am trying to take care of myself and not let things overwhelm me or keep me curled up under the covers. Pretending problems don’t exist or ignoring them hoping they will pass doesn’t work believe me, I’ve tried.