It’s been a long time since I’ve been able to sit down and write. Not for lack of time. Nor for lack of ideas. But for lack of… something. Somewhere between that first post and now I lost my way with words. I lost the muse. That not quite tangible thing that inspired and drove me to write as I once had.
What I find interesting about this is that the muse had changed before. It wasn’t who or what it has been in the beginning of this blog writing journey. It had become tangled up in a notion, a dream of something I thought I was moving toward. And when that movement stopped and the person on the other end turned away, so did the muse.
I tried. Oh how I tried. Sitting in front of a blank computer screen or a blank page in a notebook, all these ideas crowding my mind, but nothing would come. I might write a few words sure, but nothing of any meaning or merit. Which, if you’ve been around these parts for any amount of time, you’d know hasn’t always mattered. I’ve written crap before and I surely will again. It happens. Yet now, nothing was happening. Good or bad.
Writing had always been an outlet for me. It mattered little whether anyone else liked it or not. I didn’t always publish it or share with others. It was great when something would resonate with a reader, but if that never happened I would still continue to write.
A few years ago all that changed. The muse left. It turned and laughed at me as it fluttered off to a new roost too, mocking me along the way. Every one in a while there would be a flicker, a shadow as it floated by to see if I were still lost in abandon without it. I was.
And now? Maybe the muse is back. Or maybe there is a new muse. The fact that I sat and write this in a matter of minutes may mean something.