Nagging, natural, naughty, NEEDY, nervous, nice, noisy,
normal, nostalgic, numb, nutty
I hate feeling needy. It makes me feel like an incompetent child who can’t take care of herself. I’ve prided myself on being self sufficient, being able to take care of myself without needing anyone’s help. I’d always looked at neediness as a bad thing. Maybe it’s not the feeling needy part that is so difficult, maybe it’s the admitting it and asking for help part.
Us humans are needy creatures by nature. We have basic life supporting needs (air, water, food) that we rarely give a second thought to. We take them for granted until something happens and those needs aren’t met. We all need other people too, for a variety of reasons and in a variety of ways. No two people are the same, but I can safely say that we all need to feel loved and accepted and wanted. Nobody wants to be an island upon themselves. It’d be nice for a while but ultimately our need for human contact will bring us back. If we weren’t meant to communicate with other people, why be given the abilities of speech and hearing? If we weren’t meant to touch and love one another, why were we designed to procreate the way we do? Because we need those interpersonal interactions and connections,
I’ve always been pretty self sufficient. I never wanted to have to depend on someone else to pay the bills, to feed me and keep a roof over my head. As soon as I was done school I got a job and soon after my own apartment. Sure, I was given some things by my family to help furnish the place and a couple “congrats on your first home” food baskets, but I never needed anyone’s help to pay my rent or put food in my cupboards. If I couldn’t afford something I did without. There were plenty weekends spent visiting family or staying in. I am still like that today. The difference now is that I have a child who depends on me to feed him and clothe him and keep a roof over his head, with the added bonus of ensuring adequate child care.
When I was pregnant with my son I cut up my credit cards so that I wouldn’t go into major debt. It would have been so easy. A baby needs things. A baby needs a crib and a car seat, a stroller and clothes, bottles, food, diapers, gentle soaps and lotions, and more, and more, and more. With a credit card I would have just gone out and bought everything I needed without giving it a second thought. Depending on cash kept me safe and within budget. Since having him I have had to ask for help a lot. I have needed help with child care, with getting him a big bed, even with buying clothes. There was a short period of time when I was between jobs when I had to ask friends to buy milk for him as well. That was tough. I hated it, truly HATED it, but I did it. Anything for my child.
Okay, that took a turn I wasn’t expecting. I’ll stop here because talking about my needy little girl sub issues now feels wrong.