DD – Choose Joy

Dear Diary,

Today is the first day of 2016. It is 6:33pm and I am still in my pyjamas. My hair is unwashed, pulled high in a ponytail. My legs require a shave, and other parts a wax. I’ve eaten waffles, a chicken sandwich, and a hand full of chocolates. There is a pot of chicken stock simmering away on the stove and the faint sound of video games being played upstairs.

In this age of technology it would seem nobody knows how to make a phone call anymore. Even my father sent a text wishing us a merry Christmas and happy new year. No personal interaction, just a bunch of people connecting through electronic devices without ever having to get dressed, put on fake celebratory smiles, or moving beyond the four walls they call home.

I feel disconnected. More than I ever have before. There was no family this Christmas, for the first one in my 43 years. There were no loved ones sharing a meal and playing silly games with the kids. There was no kiss at midnight. No joy.

I don’t say this to make you feel sorry for me. There is no need. I created this for myself. I chose to live in a town that is hundreds of miles away from my family. I chose to love a man who chooses not to build a life with me. I chose to pick him over men who lived closer, ones who could potentially build a life with me, because his D completely fit my s.

I am also the one who chose to let my joy fade.

Not any more.

This year I choose to be happy. I choose to give chances to new people, to new opportunities. I choose to speak up and define what feels right for me. I choose to find my joy again.


5 thoughts on “DD – Choose Joy

  1. Wishing you all the happiness & joy for this new year.

  2. Yay for choosing to find your joy again. In the end we are all the creators of our own fate. You’re strong and you will find your joy! I will be here, following your journey 🙂

    Rebel xox

  3. Dear Stella, I wish you a grand 2016, filled with hotness, sexiness, health and joy!

  4. you should always choose joy! ((hug))

  5. LivedinItaly

    Ah, the benefits of automation. NOT!! I to miss the closeness of family and friends, hand written notes. The warmth of an embrace. Your joy is important and needs to be at the top of your list whether you are in PJs or a business outfit. You control this journey, seize and own it.

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