I had an interesting Twitter convo earlier this evening. It all started with this tweet that showed up in my TL:
“If orgasm is all about the clitoris, what does penile penetration provide?”
The tweeter went on to ask which I would pick if I could only have one, clitoral stimulation or penile penetration, and other questions regarding my preferences and why I have them. I tried to answer, and did manage a little, but Twitter isn’t the greatest medium for answering such questions with their 142 character tweet limit. I could have responded with short, succinct answers, “I choose option A” or “Nothing,” but some things require more elaboration than that. So, welcome to my convo. You are welcomed to join in with your thoughts as well. It’s always great to hear different sides.
If orgasm is all about the clitoris, what does penile penetration provide?
I prefer orgasm through penetration. There are times I stimulate my clitoris to get off quickly, but orgasms aren’t meant to be quick little things. Orgasms are one response to a combination of things that make up a sexual experience. Besides, there is much more to the clitoris than the little nub you see above my vagina.
Do you think you could orgasm without it (the clitoris)?
Yes I could, and I have. Orgasm can come from other ways, not just through clitoral stimulation or penile penetration. I wrote a whole post on the various ways I orgasm.
Penetration with clitoral stimulation or penetration alone?
Do you mean penetration plus external clitoral stimulation? As attested to in the post mentioned above, I don’t always need or desire external clitoral stimulation.
Many feel they cannot orgasm without clitoral stimulation. For them, what could penetration alone provide?
Educating them about their bodies would go a long way to improving that. As would letting go of the shame many associate with enjoying sex, along with showing men how to pleasure their partners in different ways. Penetration, like any form of sex, isn’t all about the orgasm. At least it shouldn’t be. It is about intimacy between partners, about enjoying the closeness and all the sensations it provides. Even without orgasm, penetration can cause a lot of pleasure to both partners.
Do you prefer one over the other? If you had to choose, penetration or clitoral stimulation?
Penetration. My clit tends to get sore after a lot of stimulation and because of that I wouldn’t be able to receive clitoral stimulation every day, or sometimes for days if it was a rough or extensive session. My vagina doesn’t have that problem. Also, I tend to need penetration along with my clitoral stimulation as opposed to most women who I suspect would say they need clitoral stimulation in order to orgasm through penetration. Consider it this way: A = clitoral stimulation, B = penetration, C = orgasm. For me, C = B with a touch of A, whereas most women prefer C = A with a little B. This is where I add that the clitoris is more like an iceberg than a mountain. There is much more of it internally that we don’t see and penetration can provide internal clitoral stimulation.
If penetration is your preferred path, then would that make the job of the penetrator more particular or specific?
Not really. In my experience the clitoris requires a more specific kind of stimulation than shoving your cock inside me does. Having a partner who is able to verbalize his desire and how good the sex feels is far better stimulation than rubbing my clit. I was going to say that more aggressive penetration is preferable but that isn’t always so either. A long sensual session of making love can be more rewarding overall than a quick hard fuck.
Is it harder to receive the proper stimulation to achieve orgasm via penetration than simply manipulating the clitoris?
It isn’t harder, just different. If you are taught the way to orgasm is through the clitoris you often don’t explore other ways you could bring about orgasm as well.
Many never orgasm at all via penetration alone so for them, why do it?
That would be like saying men never orgasm from stimulating their partner’s clitoris, so why would they do it? They do it because it brings their partner pleasure and they in turn feel pleasure from knowing they pleased their partner. I was in my 20’s before I ever had an orgasm. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t enjoy all those years of having sex without an orgasm. I enjoyed them immensely.
Do you think orgasm via penetration is preferable or maybe even expected?
Penetration is preferable for me for many reasons. However, I do not believe that it is expected. If anything I would say it is more expected that one would orgasm via clitoral stimulation than through penetration. I’m sure men would love it if penetration did it for all the women.
Why is penetration preferable?
– It takes the focus off that one minute part of my anatomy
– My clitoris tends to get sore from overstimulation whereas my vagina doesn’t
– It can take may forms; dildos, vibrators, penis, fingers, fists
– It requires less specific kind of stimulation than my clitoris does
– It allows more body contact with my partner
– I enjoy the feeling of being full, of having a cock inside me
– I can enjoy aggressive penetration much more often than aggressive clitoral stimulation