T is for…


The world of Domination and submission, D/s, comes with an abundance of rules, routines, and tasks (which, for the purpose of this blog, I will refer to as RRTs.) Not everyone in D/s relationships have the same RRTs though, and while some have very few others have days filled with them. It all depends on each individual relationship and what each side needs.

I like being spontaneous but spontaneity doesn’t work for much of my daily life. Routines are good for me. As much as I grumble about working 9-5 Monday through Friday, I wouldn’t be able to work scattered hours or shift work. Working from home sounds nice, but I need a reason to get up out of bed in the morning and do something productive during the day. A steady pay check that feeds my family and keeps a roof over our heads is more than reason enough for me.

My week days are pretty much the same routine each day. Up at 6:30, drop the boy at school and get to work by 8:30, finish work at 5:30 and pick the boy up before 6:00. Then it’s home for dinner and some Mama & son time before bed. Some evenings we go to a park or visit friends. Soon sports activities will claim spots. Weekends are rarely planned. The only certainties there are a friend’s visit on Saturday mornings and our weekly grocery shopping at some point.

I do well with tasks. I like being told to “do thing A, do it over the next two days and tell me what you’ve learned from it on Sunday afternoon.” The why doesn’t have to be given, even though I am sure to ask, as the reason usually presents itself once the task is successfully completed. 

I like being pushed to look at my boundaries, even when I fight doing so. It is important for me to know why I have those boundaries and evaluate whether they are still relevant. These are also important for my Dom to know. We both want for me to get over old fears, to be healthy, and to be the best me I can be. It is impossible to be your best self when you let your past keep holding you back. 

There are tasks that are given simply because they need to be done. Taking down my Christmas tree last year was such a task. As was cleaning windows many years earlier. Actually, there was more to cleaning the windows than the fact they needed to be done. I was assigned that task after a night out partying and drinking. It was supposed to make me think about the consequences of not caring for my body. Cleaning a full wall of southeast facing floor to ceiling windows at 8am on a sunny summer morning when hungover and operating on about three hours sleep definitely made me think and reconsider my partying ways.

Some rules or tasks have also been part of my routine at various times in my sub life:

  • greet my Dom by his given title 
  • good morning to my Dom first thing in the morning
  • good night to my Dom when going to bed
  • bed before midnight
  • shower before bed (rather than in the morning)
  • pedicure every Friday 
  • wax the first of each month
  • cook a new recipe for Saturday dinners

The general purpose of RRTs is to think about your submission, with the goal being to do as you are told. There are other reasons and desired outcomes for some items, but it is always going to be about growing in your submission.

Being a submissive without a Dom makes it difficult to meet my need for RRTs and to further grow as a submissive. Mr S is fun but he isn’t a Dom and our relationship isn’t such that would lend itself to establishing or monitoring RRTs. Yes, we do have some rules, but they are basic rules such as people in vanilla relationships might have.

So, here I am left to my own devices to try and fill my need for RRTs myself. My routine is set, rules are meant to be broken (kidding!), so I am left with tasks. I can assign myself tasks. Participating in various blogging memes are tasks. Completing my 101 in 1001 is a whole list of tasks. Getting my new passport was another task. They aren’t all specifically related to being submissive, but they are all helpful in continuing my growth and development.

Sometimes I will read about tasks other subs have been assigned and try some that challenge me in some way. Other times an idea will come out of a conversation with a friend or partner. Such is a task I am currently working on. It is something a friend enjoys doing to his subs and the thought of it freaks me out. I know, intellectually, there is no reason for me to freak out but I do. I want to push past the fear and let it go. It won’t be an easy task but in the end it will be well worth completing.


a-to-z HEADER [2015] - april

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