So here I am, laying in bed wide awake at 1:00 in the morning. Used to be I’d just be thinking about going to bed now. Lately I am usually in bed before midnight. The last few nights I’ve barely slept at all and what little sleep I have gotten has been riddled with thoughts of Him and odd dreams. What I’d give for a hot rope dream right about now. Alas, I doubt I will be having any sexy dreams any time soon.
Problem is my mind won’t shut down and give me a break. It keeps going on and on thinking about what is, what used to be, and what I would like the future to be like. I keep thinking about MySir and how much I miss him. I wonder if he will ever truly be mine, or if he even wants me as his. I’ve been so sure, so certain of my feelings and what I want in many regards, but he is at odds with himself at the moment and there is nothing I can do about it. This is when 600 miles can be a blessing or a curse. We just won’t know which until further down the road.
I ate way too much chocolate over the weekend. It filled the hole he left on Thursday. Well, it attempted to fill the hole but just made me feel worse in the end. I also slept too much on the weekend. Dozing in and out throughout the days. Stupid depression and taking on others emotions along with my own. Why can’t it kick in when I need the rest or just go away all together? All together would be good. I’m sure I’ve had to overcome more than my fare share.
Okay. I’m done. Time for some warm milk or NyQuil. I’d opt for a sleeping pill/muscle relaxer/super pain killer of some sort if I had it but I don’t buy such things. Even a joint to mellow me out would be welcome at this point but, you guessed it, I don’t smoke it.