I am sitting here at Terminal 3 waiting on a plane to take me off on vacation. Cuba bound for right full days of relaxation away from snow and work and single parenthood. I won’t miss the snow or work, but although I need the break I am going to miss my boy. I teared up as I was kissing him good-bye at 4:30 this morning. He was off in deep slumber and didn’t even stir. He will wake up to his Auntie and Uncle and have a little adventure of his own while I am away.
Some people ask how I could leave him for a week. Others say good for me, I deserve it. I’m not sure I’d agree with deserving the sun-filled vacation, but I definitely need it. I need to recharge and re-centre myself so that I can be the best parent possible for my son. He deserves that.
Being a single parent is tough, the toughest thing I will ever do in my life, yet at the same time it is by far the most rewarding. I may not get as much me time as I was used to before him, but I do get hugs and kisses and snuggles and “Me love you Mamma.” I get a bright little boy who pushes his boundaries, asks why and how and what does that mean. A boy who shows off his singing and accordion playing skills, would watch the Rescue Bots all day every day if I let him, and will forever be a lover of choochoo trains. I get a boy who loves me “more than five” and I realize that is the best part of it all.
I am sure I will spend countless hours thinking of him while I am away. I will see other little children and will think of him. I will wake in the morning and wonder how long until he comes jump on my bed. I will see the old cars and think how much he would love seeing them too.
It isn’t that I am being selfish for taking this trip without him, but I am. Sometimes as parents we need to be selfish. We need to have some down time so that our patience will have a longer shelf life, so that we don’t snap because our child wants to make music with his spoon on the table. I taught him how to make music that way and would normally join in the fun and sing along some made up song with him, I just reached a point where all I was doing was snapping and that isn’t good for either of us.
So in exactly an hour I am scheduled to board a plane and fly off towards the sun and I am going to enjoy it. I am going to relax and rejuvenate. I am going to drink and dance and enjoy my break from reality. I am going to be selfish so that I can come back and be the better parent my son deserves.