His Message

It’s time for another Wicked Wednesday challenge…


I had a story in mind, possibly a picture, but as happens occasionally real life gave me something to write about instead.

I was in bed and unable to sleep. Thinking about a couple of phone meetings I am to have later in the week and mulling over ideas for turning a series into a longer piece (novel?) were keeping my mind too active for sleep. I decided to get online and check out FetLife for a bit. There were five new messages waiting for me. The first two were questions about the local Munch and the last two were variations on the you’re so hot let’s hook up theme. It was the one in the middle that stopped me in my tracks.

Remember Him? I talked about Him quite a bit at the beginning of the year. The things He made me feel, the things I experienced and more I wanted to. The trip across borders to meet in the middle. The pain when He suddenly disappeared, and on my birthday no less. He is the only one I have ever called Sir, respected as Sir, the only one to ever make me orgasm without touch, just from pure will alone.

I have never felt such relief and heart break as the day I learned he was okay.

It’s a funny thing, relationships. We tend to have them, to be in them, even without realizing it. We put up walls to keep people out then suddenly realize we have dropped them to let someone inside. It doesn’t matter if you see them every day or once in a lifetime. It doesn’t matter how many times we lie to ourselves and say we are just friends.

When you connect with someone on a deep personal level, when you let them see the real you, flaws and baggage and all, a little piece of you dies when they are gone. You are no longer whole when they leave. It isn’t because they took that piece of you with them, but because they were the one who filled in the void that was there before they arrived. Before they came into your life you weren’t even aware the void was there. When they leave the void becomes impossible to miss, impossible to ignore.

It took what felt like a nanosecond to fall for Him yet I am still waiting to get over Him. Even after all this time I still think about him every day.

I sent him a message just over a month ago. I told him I still missed him. Sad and pathetic maybe, but I’m not known for keeping things to myself.

Back to that third message…

Two simple lines that began “I miss you too”.

Wicked Wednesday

5 thoughts on “His Message

  1. A spark? Possibly, but take care you don’t get hurt again. Little steps maybe and see where it goes.

    Best of luck

    ~Mia~ xx

    • As much as I would like it, I doubt there will be anything more. Regardless of how I feel about Him it does seem quite obvious he does not feel the same way.

  2. This is such a beautiful post, filled with so many feelings, even though most of them are sad ones. You drew me in with your writing… love this: “It isn’t because they took that piece of you with them, but because they were the one who filled in the void that was there before they arrived.” This is so true!

    Rebel xox

  3. Yep, sometimes there are people who truly leave their mark, sometimes for good and sometimes for bad but marks nevertheless


  4. V

    I know this is really old but I clicked through from Twitter and have been flicking through your blog and I just had to say this is so beautiful. Simple but powerful. Love it.

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