I Am NOT Your Sub

I’ve been reading some posts by Vile recently and was inspired to write one of my own. The posts I found particularly inspiring this week, and ones every sub or slave or those who inspire to be should read, were Warning Signs Of A Fake Dominant and Let Me Tell You Ladies Something. I started writing my post then I received a message from a “Master” on FetLife who I haven’t communicated with in over a year. How apt. I have never met this man or even spoken with him over the phone. I am the owner of the local BDSM group on FetLife and run our local munch. He has never come out to it and I do not know anyone who knows him personally. My inspired post has been put aside for the moment for this; the last few of our messages exchanged on FetLife and the two from today as they were written, although I have altered his user name and removed my phone number.

MasterS: 1Y
u r very safe playing with me , this is a guarantee

I will never exceed ur pain limits and ur submission is pretty well respected , my possible future sub

MasterS: 1Y
ok , will message each other
give ur phone number so i can text message u , n i promise will never call

StellaKiink: 1Y
I will accept you texting…

MasterS: 1Y
Great start

MasterS: 1Y
did u get my text messages?

*There was some texting for a very short while after this message. I deleted them and him from my phone not long after. In them he told me how long my fingernails were to be and what color those and my toes should be painted. He told me to have certain things on hand for when he came over. I recall rubber or latex gloves as being one of those things. He also said I was to refer to him as Sir at all times during any and all communication.

MasterS: 58m
why did u stop replying?  (he also sent a text message at the same time which read: hello pretty sub, how is the bdsm lifestyle treating you?)

StellaKiink: now
Honestly, I wasn’t comfortable with the way you were talking to me, having unrealistic expectations when I was not your sub and you not my Sir. Sir is an earned title, not something to be called just because you demand it.

The way I dress or care for myself, what I keep in my bedside table, are for me to decide until, or even if, I choose to give that control to someone else. I am not going to give that control to someone who declines to give me his name and phone number, and a whole lot more personal information, and who I have not formed that relationship with.

Being submissive does not mean I am going to submit to anyone who tells me to. That may work on young, naïve, or even older women who are desperate to find someone and thankful for whoever gives them that attention, women who have no sense of self worth and base their happiness solely on someone telling them they are.

There is a distinct difference between someone who tells me they are a Dom and someone who truly acts and lives as one. You told me you were, you did not act as if you were. Being controlling and dominating does not translate into being a Dominant, not with me. I don’t know if you really have a dominant personality or if you are just trying to overcompensate for some innate fault you think you have. Either way, I don’t care. As the saying goes, there is someone for each of us. You will be the perfect person for someone but that someone is not me.

5 thoughts on “I Am NOT Your Sub

  1. Yes, couldn’t agree with you more…

  2. Nicely done!! I’ve come across a few if them in my time!

    ~Mia~ xx

  3. Fantastic response! I’m always taken aback when people who fancy themselves “masters” make assumptions about me based upon the label I choose to communicate my orientation, “slave.” I’m quick to point out that I’m also an entrepreneur, a business owner, a published author and parent. I feel like I’ve written it a million times, being a BDSM slave doesn’t make me a doormat. You, however, say it more eloquently than I did. Good for you!

    • Funny thing is I didn’t communicate to him as submissive. I’ve only been truly and completely submissive with one man. There are times I’m the dominant one, when training and such, but it takes a lot to get into that headspace as it is not my natural tendency where sex and relationships are concerned. I usually just say I am kinky with submissive tendencies.

  4. Guys like that are why I rarely ever go on Fetlife and sites like it anymore. I got so sick of that very run around. Being into DD and disabled doesn’t make me either desperate or stupid nor does it make me a doormat. I was never able to communicate that nearly as eloquently as you have, but I totally relate.

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