Consent

What is consent? The dictionary says it is permission for something to happen or agreement to something; to give permission for something to happen; agree to do something.

When in a D/s or M/s relationship, don’t you give consent to your partner all the time? In accepting him as your Dom or Master you give him permission to take control.

I was having a discussion with a friend the other night and this idea of control and consent came up. He asked me to do something I wasn’t comfortable with and said I would try but that he had to be ok with my reaction. He said he is always ok with my reaction and that he would never force me. I told him there are some things he can force and his response was that he would force whatever he wanted to. I then told him he could only force what I allow him to force.

“No”, he said, “I will force whatever I want to. You will accept what I tell you to. Understood?”

While part of me was excited by his words, there was still a part that feared them. I questioned and pondered what it really meant to me to allow him to force his will as he sees fit.

Until rather recently I never thought I would ever give someone that control over me again. I was damaged too much by my first experience and after ten years it still sits with me. The difference now is that I am more confident and sure of myself, even though it may not sound like it right now. Even in giving up control I would never let myself be abused and lose myself again in the process.

I realize I may be contradicting myself here, being submissive but also being stubbornly headstrong and questioning. That’s what I find hard to reconcile. I want to give up control, yet still keep it. I want to do without question, yet I question everything. I want to be a good girl, but some times I just can’t. Not yet. Not for him.

When the right man comes along I know I will gladly consent to giving him control. That’s the deal though, the right man. I will always do my best to obey him not just because he tells me to, but also because I want to. I can’t promise I won’t still question. I can’t promise I won’t push back at times. I certainly can’t promise it is going to be easy. But what I can promise is that I will do my best, I will learn, and it will all be worth it.

6 thoughts on “Consent

  1. I think it is a process of growing, more so if one has experienced bad stuff in the past. And mutual respect, trust and being to able to question oneself. All that you have concentrated in a lovely way in the last paragraph.

    • Thank you Franco. We should question, otherwise we are not learning and growing in the process.

  2. “Even in giving up control I would never let myself be abused and lose myself again in the process.”

    This is the perspective that I see getting lost on MANY D/s blogs and it’s my one knock against the lifestyle. Too many subs allow themselves to be abused under the guise of ownership and control. The subs are ALWAYS in control of what is done to them, otherwise it’s servitude and abuse. that’s the funny thing about the whole D/s paradigm. Most Doms think they are in charge. How silly is that?

    • The truth is that he really can force only what I allow him to, and for him to have control I have to willingly give it to him. He can not forcefully take control, that is abuse and that is not what it is about. It has to be a safe place for both of us.

      • your relationship really isn’t any of my business but it’s nice to see that you have such a strong sense of self and boundaries. That makes reading your blog even better.

        • Thank you. I appreciate that.

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