This isn’t a terribly wicked post, but it is my life right now. I wave good-bye to one thing and beckon others in with a welcoming hello.
It has been a very interesting couple of weeks. You know that saying, “when one door closes another one opens“? This past week a door closed and every other door around me opened. Crazy! Sometimes we spend so much time and effort on trying to get that one door to work that we don’t notice the others are even there.
I think that was my problem. I was so set on the idea that Mister would be the one to lead me on my journey that I couldn’t see past that. Then, about a week and a half ago reality snuck up on me. It really kind of slapped me across the face actually (something he seems to do. Figuratively of course, not literally). As such, Mister is no longer my Mister. I love him to pieces and wish him well, but he is no longer a part of my sexual journey. I am sure we will remain the good friends we have become, that will just be as far as it will go now. Don’t get me wrong. I wasn’t this zen about it at the time. I freaked out and blamed him, chided him for not being honest with me. I still feel that he wasn’t honest, but it doesn’t matter. We agree to disagree.
This past week A has made some changes as well. He has opened himself up more, become more focused on his journey with me. School and a new job have had his focus and time as of late, as they should. He needs to do well at both of those things, not just because I tell him he does, but because he is a smart young man who will go far if he applies himself. He has completed all his assigned tasks and met his deadlines. I was concerned there for a bit as I really do not relish the idea of punishing him. I am very glad to see him back on track. I will have to do something special for his birthday next month.
Another saying comes to mind. Well, not a saying really, but rather a quote from one of my favorite movies, Under The Tuscan Sun. “When I was a little girl I used to spend hours looking for ladybugs. Finally I’d give up and fall asleep in the grass. When I woke up they were crawling all over me.”
It basically means that if you keep searching for a something, or someone, you are never going to find it. Only when you give up and stop being so frustrated because you can’t find it will it come to you, often in droves. The ladybugs are supposed to represent men in this particular case. Katherine was telling Frances to stop searching for a man to make her happy, to just be happy on her own and a man will come. Lots of men actually. She will have her pick.
A little later in the movie Frances comes back to see Katherine, after finding herself a lover, and exclaims, “Ladybugs, Katherine. Lots and lots of ladybugs!” Well, I woke up covered in ladybugs. When those other doors opened they swarmed me from everywhere. Who knew?!
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